Self care is about commodities. Healthcare is about connections.
In this column, we will take “popular” self-care concepts and give examples of how we can intertwine them in our lives in healing ways, stripped as much as possible from the commodification of self-care, and linked to activities that connect us to real people in our lives.
I’m sitting on the floor in front of a coffee table where chalkboard labels, metallic markers, fractionated coconut oil, and empty roller bottles lay strewn around bottles of essential oils. My teammates surround me, dropping their own unique blends into the colorful roller bottles. Kuljit wonders why her blends never end up smelling quite right, even though she mixes the same oils that we do. She hands me her latest bottle, and I hold it up to my nose, hoping I can see something reassuring, and before I can stop myself, my entire face scrunches up in confusion. I hear the loud, happy peel of Sabrina’s laughter filling the room, and Kuljit saying, “I guess it’s the proportions.” Sabrina’s wrapping up their bottles in black labels covered in the heart and flower doodles they have lovingly placed on the labels. Ruth carefully examines each essential oil, picking it up, appraising it, and considering just the right blend, as if she’s a in a Harry Potter movie. Amy sits next to her, catalogue in hand, looking up each oil methodically, planning out before even a drop falls into her empty roller bottle. I notice Justine’s bottle is already made, as she watches the mix of organized chaos around her, giving helpful suggestions to the rest of us stragglers.
My friend had given me a set of oils for my birthday, telling me that she’d been using them for just about anything: stomachaches, stress, sleep, focus, … It had been three months before I even opened the box. I realized that the pursuit of self care wasn’t enough of a driver for me to make time, so one rainy weekend, I asked my daughter to make some blends with me. We opened the box carefully, as if opening a treasure chest, and carefully filled our colorful roller bottles, covering them with labels that said things like “sleep”, “tummy”, “happy” and “breathe”. That night, I covered the soles of her feet with our “sleep” blend, massaging it in, then kissing her lovely forehead goodnight.
I remember that when my box had first arrived, it came with a separate package, a mini goodie-bag that had a pre-made roller among other knickknacks. I carried the roller a few days, swirling the metal roller over my temples and the back of my neck willing it to bring me peace and calm. It felt nice, and maybe even worked a bit, but it had nowhere near the effect of the bottles I’d made with my daughter and then with my team. When I used the pre-made bottle, it felt like “self care”. It was the type of self care though that evoked feelings like, I was worth it, I deserved rest, and that it was okay to claim it for myself. When I applied the rollers that I made alongside the people in my life, I felt loved and supported. The peace and calm I felt came with feeling connected and loved, and with caring for others.
The oils truly do have medicinal properties, and getting the right mix can really help in specific areas of health, but like most things, they can only do so much unless they occur in the context of connection. Self care has become commodified and also a bit selfish- it’s become about what we deserve and what we claim as our own. As we try to care for our bodies and souls, we often disconnect from the world and from others, trying to find refuge within ourselves, within healing ourselves. But without relation to others, there is no refuge, no self compassion, no validation. We exist in this world in relation to others. Our brains are programmed to love and to reciprocate emotion, and healing and (self) care cannot happen in isolation.
Next: Stay tuned for our next article on mirror neurons and the science behind how our brains reflexively and subconsciously connect us to each other.
—- Health Tip #1- Give a Massage
Giving, not just getting a massage, releases oxytocin-the “love hormone.” Not only does it give us a warm fuzzy feeling, but it can improve mood, lower stress, decrease pain, and even improve communication. So if you feel you need a pick-me-up, offer to massage someone you love. You can use an essential oil, like lavender or citrus to enhance the experience of relaxation, or just use any cream or lotion on hand. The thought and touch are what makes the biggest difference.
Health Tip #2- Benefits of Lavender Essential Oil
Within the group of essential oils, lavender tends to be one of the least expensive and most versatile. It is shown to be helpful with insomnia, stress, anxiety, depression, allergies, pain and even has some antibacterial and anti-inflammatory effects. You can mix it with a carrier oil, like almond or fractionated coconut oil, and massage it onto your skin, or you can add a few drops to a cloth or tissue and inhale the scent. Remember though that even “natural” remedies can have side effects, and while uncommon, you should stop using it if you notice skin irritation, allergy, or physical symptoms like nausea or headaches.